To be or not to be ?

Oh...... it's Wesak Day....... time to drum up some good qualities, compassion and kindness. To reflect on what a bad boy I've been..... hehe!

Been trying all my life to be the good guy..... they say it's good for your karma, but how good is it for you, now ?

I've always wondered when people say..... when your enemies give you a hard time, you should have patience and tolerance. One day, they will realise their mistakes and you would have helped some misguided people come to realisation. Nicely said. What if that day takes years or decades to come ? What if this person is so dense that he's never going to realise it ? How much can we stretch our patience and tolerance? What if they won't stop at it and get ambitious ?

I was in this type of situation before. What if the enemy won't stop attacking ? Like a mad dog on rampage....... are we going to say, Hey, you missed my left arm..... come and bite some more ? Or do we grab the nearest thing and thrash the living daylights out of it ?

There was a lot of confusion on my part..... as in...... okay, we are in a tight situation here. Here I am, trying to be nice, compassionate and kind..... and there you are, attacking me like there's no tomorrow. The wise words I have tell me...... sit there, be quiet and let them hack you.... one day they will realise their mistakes. I'd say, what if there's nothing left of me to hack before they even begin to realise it ? Am I supposed to be reborn again so that they can continue hacking me ? .... and fine, let's go one step further, like how many lifetimes are we looking at ?

It's like you have a colleague who's bent on giving you a hard time..... victimise you all the time. And you can't fight back cos he's the MD's favourite or, he's your boss !

It was a mental battle for me....... to be nice and maybe die for it ..... or, fight back and be `not-so-nice' ???

Some religions put a number to it. 3 times... that's all you get. After the 3rd time, watch your back! Maybe it's like....... 1st time, you are ignorant, so we forgive you. 2nd time, you are foolish, but we still forgive you. 3rd time, you are stretching your luck and our patience, stop now or face the consequences..... you are warned!

Sometimes, the enemy doesn't get any warnings. It's a rule of thumb and after the 3rd time........... the hunter becomes the hunted. Okay, I really don't know the reasons for it, but I think it's logical to think of it that way. An interesting concept though.

Now, back to my controversy. To be or not to be ? It's no laughing matter.... it has affected my life a lot...... 7 yrs to be exact. It took me 7 whole years to realise it. One night, out of frustration, I sat in front of my Buddha image..... and poured my heart out.... just like what I wrote above...... Am I doing it wrong ?

Then I flipped a CD and played..... Out of curiosity, I read the translation...... there were many verses, but what striked me were.......

Not to follow or associate with fools, to associate with the wise and to honour those who are worthy of honour.............. this is the supreme blessing.......

I cried.

Okay, I'd admit it didn't really answer my question but it got me thinking.... from a very different perspective altogether....

Happy Wesak Day...... You yourselves must strive, the teachers only show the way.....