To have or not to have ?

I was in one of my sentimental moods today...... after listening to Van Morrison's `Someone Like you'........ thinking to myself, if I ever find my soul mate, this is the song I would serenade....

Then someone asked me, `Hey, my friend is in trouble. She found out that her husband also swings the other way! She feels hurt but she doesn't want a divorce. What is she going to do ?' Phew! What a way to burst my yearning-for-romance bubble ! That's it. When you don't have it, you want it. When you have it, chances are, you might lose it anytime! And to the most unexpected rival! Hehehe! Don't mean to be mean.... but that's so ironical.

So, what do people like us who are still looking for it do ? Do we hide behind the walls of fear and say `No' to every opportunity ? Not that there are that many to begin with! Or do we try out every single one and remain immuned to all the failures ?

Problem is, it's different for men and women. If the men try out every single one, he's the stud, the eligible bachelor, the casanova, the hotshot of romance. For women, she's the slut, the `bandaraya' (town council rubbish dump), nympho, 2nd hand or 3rd hand goods, lelong girl, closing sale 90% off girl and more locally, the Bohsia (meaning no sound in Hokkien, cos they escape from the homes without any sound and anyone could have her) It sounds really wicked but that's the reality of it all.

And it's so unfair... but it has been like this for centuries. No amount of picketing or education is going to change that. Anyway, it's weird to have a rally for women to fight for equality in sex with the topic, `Don't label us as sluts when we have multiple partners!' So, it looks like it's going to stay awhile, at least in our lifetime... hehe! But I do notice, the trend seems to be changing these days....


And we can go on and blame the society, the tv, the movies, the internet, the parents, the uncles and aunties, the school, the hawker, etc, etc. But come to think of it...... it all boils down to we ourselves. Stop blaming everyone and everything and start re-examining ourselves.

The cards have been laid out on the table. The guys...... you could have as many as you want, but beware of STDs...... hehe! The ladies..... you know what people will call you if you are too `sociable'...... it's your call. I know, it's lame..... eeeiiw... even I can't stand myself right now but hey, I didn't make the rules. It's just an observation.

Back to our topic..... to have or not to have.... I have no solution to this. But there is something that I would like to share with you. It's based on a Buddhist principle. Attachment as against detachment. It's pretty complicated but I'v summarised it like this (at least, it's my understanding of it) :

To have love = attachment = suffering if you lose it
To have love = attachment = worrying you might lose it
Not to have love = detachment = suffering if you still want it
Not to have love = detachment = bliss if you really mean it

My solution to this

To have love = attachment = worrying you might lose it ~ be prepared to lose it even before you get attached. Have that `If I can take it up, I can let it go' attitude

To have love = attachment = suffering if you lose it ~ make the most of it while you can, so when you lose it, you don'feel like you were shortchanged. Notice I used `when' not `if'...... eventually, you WILL lose it.... unless Dracula takes a bite at you, you can't live forever, can you ?

Not to have love = detachment = suffering if you still want it ~ You want it, go and for it. Just be prepared for the above.

Not to have love = detachment = bliss if you really mean it ~ ata girl! That's the way to go...... you are heading for Nirvana.

So, it's really up to you.....goodluck !!!!