Bad Timing.....

Time...... always a precious commodity for me. And it gets more precious as I get older because I know for a fact that the supply is getting less and less by the minute.... or seconds. Sigh! All those time wasted when I was younger.

I read a very wise quote long ago, `Live every day like it's your last, for one day, when it comes true, you will have no regrets.' It makes absolute sense. It's not like it means we are going to spend every last cent we have like there's no tomorrow...... if you do that, come tomorrow, it's just going to be regret that's left...... hehe! It means, no procrastinating, maximising every minute of every day...... blah, blah, blah !

Ermm... does that mean there's no rest ? No, it means, being aware, fully aware of what you are doing .... savouring every moment that passes by. Like when you are eating something, if you gobble everything up in a split second, you won't even know what it actually tastes like.

Hmm......... that's pretty philosophical...... time out. Now, it's the complaining part. I have terrible timing. All my life, my timing has been out of sync with the rest of the world, and it's always to my disadvantage, of course.

Now, let's take a trip down memory lane. When I was about to enter pre-u, there was a hike in the tuition prices for matriculation students. After finishing Form 6, there was a hike in university tuition fees. When I graduated, there was a recession.

When I wanted to buy a car, the Japanese yen rose all time high and all the prices of cars went up. When I wanted to buy an apartment, there was a shortage and prices were really high. I bought my apartment anyway but when it was ready, there was a glut and property prices went tumbling down.

So I decided to buy shares. Share prices were high and my friends were making big bucks. I decided to buy some. After investing my lot, came the Asian currency crisis. Every single share I had lost 90% of their values. Most of them did not recover, until today.

I decided to start a small business. Just when things were picking up, came Sept. 11., then war, then SARS, then tsunami.......

`The Gods are mocking me !!!' I told myself. Aren't they ? It takes so much planning..... way ahead of time and so much effort. It's like they are saying, ` Okay... he's planning to start a business, .... so, let's turn the whole world upside down...... Don't make it easy for him, give him a really hard time, just to spite him and see how much he can take!!!'

And these are just the `macro' stuff.... the big things. I don't even want to talk about car washing, finding parking places, gambling, etc.

Then I thought..... `Hello, wake up..... the world doesn't revolve around you.' There are so many people with worse fates. Sept 11. So many people lost their lives and loved ones. The war.... so many lives wasted. Tsunami..... even more lives taken. And you are complaining about not making enough money!

Okay, fine. I understand. But, does that mean I've lost my right to complain ? Okay, I've no answer to this one cos I'm still trying to figure it out.

A friend of mine summed it up in a rather amusing way. Life is such that, it's never perfect. 3 things ~ Time, Energy and Money.

When we are young, we have the time and energy but no money to do the things we want to do.
When we start working, we have the energy and money, but no time to do it.
When we are old, we have the money and the time, but no energy to do it.

Another lady friend said this.... `When we were young, we spent our youth chasing after fortunes. Now that we are old, we spend our fortunes chasing after lost youth.......'

Always a case of bad timing..... it's not going anywhere. But it's life..... so savour every minute of it and make the best of it and stop complaining like me......... somehow, you will survive.

Live life to the fullest and live it well...... then one day, when we are old, we can look back and say, `Despite it all, I've had a great life..........'

Ghosts, spirits and black magic........Part 3 ~ Bomoh

Bomoh...... this word is spoken with reservation accompanied with lots of fear. Meaning.... witch doctor, medicine man....... whatever you want to call it ....... Fear of the mystique, the unexplained and the evil that could be unleashed, that's why most Malaysians don't even want to talk about it.

The normal reaction would be.....`Eeeiiiww! Why do you want to get involved with bomohs? Not scared ar ???' So, nowadays, the word is changed to something more acceptable and perhaps less intimidating. Traditional medicine practitioner or in Malay, `Perubatan Tradisional'.......... well, whatever you want to call it... it was still the same to me. But I was ignorant then.

I have a friend, Tom (not his real name, otherwise he'll go bombastic.... hehe!) who thinks he is the poster boy for black magic and evil spirits. He's the hyper type..... always thinking someone is trying to `curse' him or put some magical spells on him. Sometimes, he'd tell me that he's seen a ghost or someone is trying to put a curse on him. Or send all sorts of magical spells, diseases, broken glass pieces, nails, pins, worms, centipedes, poison, you name it. But he's a great guy..... so, I put up with his paranoid nonsense.

So, there was this constant need to see these `Traditional medicine practitioners'....... and for easy typing on my part and for want of a more general and acceptable term,(lest I m cursed for being so nosy, hehe!) I will just use BMH for short. But he never went to any BMH `cos there are so many fakes around and also, he feared that they would use evil spirits to do their biddings.

But that was not until we met Kak Sal...... (also not her real name). She went to Pahang to visit her brother and two days later, she called all the way from Kuantan. `Someone has sent something really powerful to you guys and it's going to kill the both of you !!!' She sounded alarmed. `Come to Kuantan now or you guys might not make it till tomorrow.'

When I heard the news, I was like, `Huh ?' Tom panicked and insisted we drove to Kuantan that night itself. It was 10.30 pm and we were in Penang. I said to myself, `Of all the stunts you've pulled, this one really takes the cake!' I mean, c'mon...... death by tomorrow ???? Tom retaliated, `What if it's true ???' I kept quiet but in my heart I protested, `What if it's not ?'

Finally, I gave in.... giving the angels of death the benefit of the doubt and so, we packed our stuff........ filled up the tank and off we went......all the way to Kuantan in the middle of the night......

It was a trip to remember...... to be continued......... hehe!

How Right is Right ?

Yes, singles ask it......... and now, even the married ones too. Can there be only one Mr. or Miss Right ? Or can we have choices ? Hehe!

So, the next question would be........ what constitutes Right ? Some people say it's the love..... `it's like Magic!!!' ..... says one movie. The epic moment when time just stands still. Everything happening in slow motion..... everything else does not matter anymore...... it's just the two of you.

Staring into each other's eyes, tingling sensations all over, pulse racing and this inexplicable ache in the heart, the type that melts you...... and both parties find it hard to resist each other's lips...... The magical moment. Then passion takes over.

Okay..... so, magical moments is one of the factors, not absolutely necessary but it makes the decision much easier. So, what's next ? Looks & physique ? That ties in with the love part. Say, how about $$$ ? Or status ? Does the Right person need to be in a certain income group ?

One girl told me, `As long as he doesn't ask money from me, I guess it doesn't really matter' Another girl told me, `Hello....... who's gonna pay for my lifestyle needs ? The man has to provide!' Another pretty girl told me it's the 5 C's ~ Credit card, car, condo, cash and certs. It's all Madonna's fault!!!

So, the responsibility seems to fall on the men. Okay, what do the guys say ? `It's good to have someone who can contribute to the family income.'

What else ? Personality.....now, this is the tricky one. And usually, the most destructive one. And people usually forget this very crucial factor. When we are in love, we are at our best behaviour, or at least in front of our beloved.

We are kind to old people, we are generous to the poor, we are well-mannered, we are even nice to their brothers and sisters and the many many nosy aunties and uncles and cousins........ and our bad habits seem to have dissipated into thin air. And most of the time, we are willing to turn a blind eye to whatever that may ruin the romance. `Oh..... he's handsome, he's rich and he's a great guy.' Then we get married.

They say, love is blind........ and marriage is the eye-opener..... how true !!! Hahahaha! But of course, if you take the time and make the effort to know the other person, keeping vigilance of your unbiased judgement, it will help you make a wiser decision. But don't let the many many nosy aunties, uncles, etc. affect your decision...... it happens to everyone, including your partner when you introduce your many many aunties and uncles. You are even on that one !!!

I read somewhere..... A good relationship does not require promises, terms and conditions...... just two people who feel wonderful just by being together.

There you have it..... that's the Right one!

To be or not to be ?

Oh...... it's Wesak Day....... time to drum up some good qualities, compassion and kindness. To reflect on what a bad boy I've been..... hehe!

Been trying all my life to be the good guy..... they say it's good for your karma, but how good is it for you, now ?

I've always wondered when people say..... when your enemies give you a hard time, you should have patience and tolerance. One day, they will realise their mistakes and you would have helped some misguided people come to realisation. Nicely said. What if that day takes years or decades to come ? What if this person is so dense that he's never going to realise it ? How much can we stretch our patience and tolerance? What if they won't stop at it and get ambitious ?

I was in this type of situation before. What if the enemy won't stop attacking ? Like a mad dog on rampage....... are we going to say, Hey, you missed my left arm..... come and bite some more ? Or do we grab the nearest thing and thrash the living daylights out of it ?

There was a lot of confusion on my part..... as in...... okay, we are in a tight situation here. Here I am, trying to be nice, compassionate and kind..... and there you are, attacking me like there's no tomorrow. The wise words I have tell me...... sit there, be quiet and let them hack you.... one day they will realise their mistakes. I'd say, what if there's nothing left of me to hack before they even begin to realise it ? Am I supposed to be reborn again so that they can continue hacking me ? .... and fine, let's go one step further, like how many lifetimes are we looking at ?

It's like you have a colleague who's bent on giving you a hard time..... victimise you all the time. And you can't fight back cos he's the MD's favourite or, he's your boss !

It was a mental battle for me....... to be nice and maybe die for it ..... or, fight back and be `not-so-nice' ???

Some religions put a number to it. 3 times... that's all you get. After the 3rd time, watch your back! Maybe it's like....... 1st time, you are ignorant, so we forgive you. 2nd time, you are foolish, but we still forgive you. 3rd time, you are stretching your luck and our patience, stop now or face the consequences..... you are warned!

Sometimes, the enemy doesn't get any warnings. It's a rule of thumb and after the 3rd time........... the hunter becomes the hunted. Okay, I really don't know the reasons for it, but I think it's logical to think of it that way. An interesting concept though.

Now, back to my controversy. To be or not to be ? It's no laughing matter.... it has affected my life a lot...... 7 yrs to be exact. It took me 7 whole years to realise it. One night, out of frustration, I sat in front of my Buddha image..... and poured my heart out.... just like what I wrote above...... Am I doing it wrong ?

Then I flipped a CD and played..... Out of curiosity, I read the translation...... there were many verses, but what striked me were.......

Not to follow or associate with fools, to associate with the wise and to honour those who are worthy of honour.............. this is the supreme blessing.......

I cried.

Okay, I'd admit it didn't really answer my question but it got me thinking.... from a very different perspective altogether....

Happy Wesak Day...... You yourselves must strive, the teachers only show the way.....

How long does Love last ?

Or is it lust ? Boy meets girl...... sparks fly..... Oh .... we all love the adverts that sell perfumes, deodorants, shampoos...... even ice cream and mints these days !!! That Prince Charming...... that Miss Perfect..... everything just falls into place...... how convenient !!!

Hey, I am not against love or anything like that but in real life...... things are very much different. Boy meets girl..... sparks fly...... either the boy has 3 other girlfriends or she is already engaged. Now, that's more realistic. Maybe it's a matter of timing..... always too late.

A friend of mine once told me, `The good ones have all been taken, as the for the rest, they actually make me feel that being single a blessing !' Is it that bad ? I see lots of couples..... looking very happy...... they must have done something good is their past lives. Or is it their present lives ?

Take this couple whom I know for example. They are in their 20s..... both are good looking. They started off a hardware business two years ago. The husband takes care of all the orders and deliveries while the wife does all the accounting, stock check, etc. They go everywhere together..... and do everything together. There doesn't seem to be any doubt about their relationship. They are busy building their future together. And when I talk to them, their concerns are about their business.... competition, customers, children, etc. Not a single word of disatisfaction with their relationship (trust me, I'm an expert when it comes to drawing people to talk about their relationships).

I did ask the husband..... what about romantic dinners and all ? He just casually said..... `Oh, those are the things you do before you get married..... nowadays, out most romantic moment is getting a good night's sleep with the children at my mum's house!!!'

And the wife, ` Well, no need to waste money on that..... as long as we can eat in peace in front of the TV, I'm satisfied' And they seem happy, genuinely happy with each other. Maybe the romantic love they have, has transformed to something else. Maybe, love has to transform..... transcend into something more permanent, like family love. Something that gives you the assurance that removes all doubts about each other's feeling for one another.

I guess the trouble starts when we try to hang on to romantic love. Imagine.... with babies crying, pesky errands to run, stress and lack of sleep and the wife insists on having a romantic dinner or going to the movies and on top of that the husband has to bring flowers and chocolates. Seems odd, don't you think so ? Or one of them refuses to have children....... for fear that it would take out the romance in their relationship. I am not a relationship expert, but we have seen enough soap operas to know that scenario.

So, how long does it last ? Someone once told me, love is like that pot of plant which you buy from the nursery. It looks beautiful, flowers blooming radiantly with healthy leaves. But you have to know how to take care of it. Otherwise the whole plant dies...... flowers and all. Too little water, it wilts. Too much water, it drowns. Too much sunlight the flowers wilt. Too little sunlight, the leaves and roots rot. And once all the flowers are gone...... would you still take care of it ? If you want it to bloom again, you have to put in the right amount of fertilizers and care for it. And if you want constant blooms...... you really have to know more about this plant.

So...people out there..... when you already have someone, you are of the lucky ones, care for partner. For those of you out there who are still looking...... find one whom you know for a fact, you can make it bloom forever.......

Ghosts, spirits and black magic........Part 2

There wasn't much drama after that...... although there nights when we could hear people walking in the hallway at 3 am......... with dogs howling.....

Imagine.....you are in the toilet (which is like very far from the room) and from the distance, you hear dogs howling, then nearer.... then the neighbour's dogs start to howl.... and you can hear the dogs in the house scurrying out. Yes, at 3 a.m. ! And you are halfway through your business and the walk to the room is so long.

Sometimes, we could see shadows floating past the window..... but they never came into the room because we put the Buddha image just next to the door..... hehe! Clever, weren't we ? Anyway.... we didn't last that long in the house, couldn't take the excitement and I moved back to Malaysia. End of spiritual encounters in Singapore !


After that, it was pretty much back to the real world. Not much of the spiritual encounters..... until the turn of the millenium. It was the beginning of another of my adventure...... well, the adventure never really took off until much later........ at least, to my knowledge.

They say `Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn'....... trust me, I am still suffering from it after 8 years. To make a very long and unpleasant story full of lies, deceit and con-job short, I offended a woman who was way, way unreasonable. And she's rich, filthy rich and of course, being rich, she has the `you offend me, I will destroy every aspect of your life' kind of policy, with every known means. Let's call her AMB (ermmmm, I'm sure you can guess what that B stands for..... hehe!)

So, began my adventure.......and things started to happen............

Ghosts, spirits and black magic........Part 1

The normal question when it came to this topic used to be, Do you believe in it ? Or, Hello..... wake up...... we are in the modern world !!! Now the trend seems to be....... Have you seen one ? Or, did someone do it to you ? Some people say it's the TV programmes or movies trends that are influencing us...... too many ghost stories, Charmed Ones, Harry Potter, the Ring, American Hauntings, etc....... you name it.

Or are we simply fed-up of our daily dose of facts and figures (usually scary credit card statements) and real life tragedies (bad hair, pimple, wrinkles, flat tyre, not-so-flat tummy, pesky boss) and we need some of form of escapism ? Well, whatever the influence or cause..... whether the spiritual world has become more active or whether we are more exposed to their existence, it seems to stir quite an interest nowadays.

As for me, I was a science student and I was taught everything has to be proven and must be logically explained before we can say, `Hey, that's a fact!' But that was years ago.....

As a kid, I used to follow my parents to Chinese temple celebrations. Sometimes, it was interesting. There would be a medium who would fall shiver and then fall into a trance. Some actually looked genuine....... the medium's voice would change and some of them could even sing Chinese opera! At that time, I was a bit sceptical or maybe confused, I don't know... I mean, c'mon..... but we have been taught to be respectful, so, I gave it the benefit of the doubt. Despite that, well, I have been praying faithfully at the temples.

My first encounter with the spiritual world was in Singapore. I had just graduated from the uni and was looking for a job. After moving out of the hostel, I had to find a room. Got myself a roomate and we went searching. Finally, we found a place..... the house was a bit old.... standing on stilts....... and there were many rooms. It looked like the owner converted his house to a `room for rent' place.

The first impression when I got off the cab was...... Eeeieww.... a pair of big white lanterns hanging at the patio of the house. Looked like a funeral parlour. There were a few old photos of old people on an altar..... and when the owner saw my expression, he told us it was his parents and ancestors. I tried hard to look relieved but I didn't think I was convincing enough cos he said, `Don't worry, they won't harm you!' Then I had to force a smile and shrug it off. Surprisingly, the room was nice.... and with air-conditioning. A bit pricey but my roomate convinced me by asking, `Are you scared or what ?' .... so, I said, `Oh, what the heck ! Let's take it !'

It was a Saturday when we moved in. And, being young and the party-going type.... we quickly dumped our stuff in the room, hung all the unwashed jeans, pants, t-shirts, towels on the hanger at the back to the door and left for the disco. After the boozing and midnite snack, we went back to the house with two other friends who couldn't afford midnight the cab fare.

We tip-toed into the room cos we didnt' want to stir up the owner. It was, afterall, 3 a.m. After some light nonsense talk, all of my friends began to doze off. I couldn't sleep but locked the door and switched off the light. Then as I was recollecting the day's activities in my bed, I heard a loud thud.

Oh no....... the hanger at the door had given way, too many clothes...... never mind.... pick up the clothes the next day...... I told myself. Besides, our two guests were sleeping on the floor and I didn't want to step on them.

Then, with my eyes half-closed, I saw the door opening. And I said to myself, `Well, well, well! This owner is quite a guy, he has a spare key and now he wants to check on us! ' My first impluse was to sit up and ask him what he was doing but then I thought.... let's see if he's going to steal anything. So, I pretended to be asleep and watched the door opening slowly with my half-closed eyes.......

`Hey, the whole the family is here to check on us !!! ' I thought to myself..... Hmm.... pale faces though..... can't see very clearly cos our room was dark and there was the light in the hallway. They didn't come in..... they just looked with curiousity, with the door half -opened and then they closed it back.

Tomorrow, I am going to confront the owner, I thought. How dare his whole family just open the door like that...... I mean, what if I was with someone doing something private at the time ??? So, I made a mental note to talk to him. Then.......a cold shiver rang down my spine.

My room door was not only locked...... it was latched, from the inside !!! Okay... okay....... calm down, there's a perfectly logical explanation to this. I tried to wake my roomate but he was sleeping like a log. So, I took a deep breath and walked to the door......... switched on the lights. There it was...... the door was still latched, from the inside !!!

Okay, maybe I was dreaming..... I just imagined everything. But what I saw next really gave me the chills. The clothes that fell on the floor were swept to one side, in a straight line, like the door opened............... and the reason why the door was half opened was because we put a Buddha image on the other side of the room, so the opening was just enough to avoid exposing themselves to the Buddha image.

I woke my roomate up very fiercely...... someone had to take the blame... (hehe!)...... and showed everything to him..... and we both ran to our beds and hid under the blankets!

We wanted to move out but we had already paid for two months and being unemployed waiting for convocation guys, we didn't have the money. So we stayed on...... sometimes, at night, the dogs howled non-stop....... phew ! What an experience..... but there was just the beginning...... look out for part 2.....

About Love.......

One of the many things that fascinate me in life is love....... some of us just can't get enough of it and some of us got too much of it. But, I think, most of the time, we are looking for it. Whether you are happily married with kids or single and very available, you are always looking for it.

Yes, I am talking about the romantic kind. We take our love from our parents and family for granted, so that is usually not counted...... heheh! There are many ways of getting it..... some use their looks. If you don't have the looks, like most of us, we try other means. Being nice and generous is one method. Being accommodating is another. But sometimes, some people just don't have the patience for that kind of thing. They lie, they trick (yes....... how ? Ermm.... I am RICH !!! Hehehe!). Now they use magic !!! Yes, Magic !!!

Ermm...... like it works ? Most people would say it's total bullshit. Some people'd swear by it. So, what do you guys think ???? As far as I know, there are different types.... just like buying stuff from the supermarket.... you have ones from Thailand, Land of Smiles...... then the Indon kind..... then the Malaysian home-brewed type...... you can even buy love potions from the internet these days. But why do people fall for this type of stuff ??? Desperation ? Lack of confidence ? Or convenience ?

I know the ones from Thailand are especially potent.... made from the oils extracted from the chin of a woman who has died from the first childbirth. Okay, I'd admit, I saw this from the movies ! Hehehe! The Malaysian and the Indonesian kind usually use aromatic oils with lots of spells thrown in. Viola!!! Charm anyone you want and make him or her do whatever you want !!! Wow !!!

Other than love potions, people have used lots of other things..... photographs, hair, nails.... ermm....... okay, this is about Love, not love charms...... talk about this later, ok ?

Okay, tell me, how many times have we all tried and failed ??? And how many more times do we have to try ? Some of us blame it on fate....... who do we blame when fate refuses to answer us ?

Sigh...... the all elusive thing called Love..... why do we have to have it ?