Break-ups & Make-ups

It's happening all around me...... oh my! What's wrong? I asked myself as a friend told me of her unfaithful husband. One is not enough ? she asked.

Okay, okay... we are talking numbers here. Read my blog, I told her. I have a post that deals with men and their numbers. Heheh! Men are men are men. She looked surprised. You mean ALL MEN ??? I said, `Oh no, I didn't say that, not all men. Most men. The rest are monks, priests......' And she laughed. Hey, at least I got her to laugh!

Break-ups, as we all know it, are hard, especially on the one who got dumped. All those tenders moments shared that were so precious are now lost. As an old Mandarin song puts it so nicely.... like water flowing away in the river, never coming back. But how do we deal with it ?

Yes, we all want it to last, we all want forever. But fate deals with it in such a cruel way..... always cutting short the good things in life. Over the years, I have seen and heard many sad stories. It breaks my heart to see so many of my friends suffering and the worst part is, there is little that we can do to console them.

So, the best that we can do is to lend a shoulder to cry on. To lend an ear for listening. And give them some encouragemnet and hope. Having seen so many cases, there is one thing for sure. It gets easier everyday, especially when you have friends.

And being such a busybody, here are some quick do's and don'ts (hehehe! ~ Modern day thinking, go straight to the point!)

Don'ts

~ Don't hang on to the past. No matter how tempting it might be, don't. Always remember he (or she) was one part of your life and it's over. You can save in under the `Good Memories' folder or `Jerks of My Life' folder somewhere in the hardisk of your brain and that's it. So leave it as that. Think of it like, college. You have graduated from it, so now, move on and go find a job! You don't want to hang around the canteens, lecture halls and library and still refuse to graduate, can you ? So, move on.

~ Don't be revengeful. Some people resort to a life vendetta to destroy their ex's lives. Trust me, it's more destructive to you than your ex. In anycase, you would have wasted too much time, effort and money planning and executing the revenge. Your ex doesn't deserve your precious time, not anymore. so, don't waste any more time on him.

~ Don't resort to replacement therapy. Nope, give yourself time. Sometimes, some people just scramble to take on the next willing party, just to spite the ex or fill in the emptiness. And that ain't no way to fill your hole! (Ooops!!! Yes, it was intended! Hehehe!)

~ Don't let yourself go. Being dumped or cheated upon is really depressing. And usually, we tend to punish ourselves for it. Hello, other people may have punished you and but you must never punish yourself. Pick yourself up. Tell yourself, okay, I give you 3 days, you cry your heart out. At the end of the 3 days, this ends! It's like a `mourning' period, for the dead relationship. No, not for your dead ex (you wished it is, hehe!) but no.

~ Don't sleep around !!! Yes, cos if you do it's the best way to show your ex that you were never worth the trouble!!! It's tempting to `punish' him, but, in actual fact, you are hurting yourself even more. And he gets the last laugh..... don't give him that pleasure.

~ Don't do stupid things. That includes killing yourself, doing dangerous stuff like street racing, hiking Mt Everest or resorting to drugs or drinking yourself silly. Or worse, eating binge !!!! Arrrrggghhh!!!!!! There's a good good reason why these are categorised under `stupid'

Okay, enough of don'ts..... now the Do's

~ Do go for a makeover. If you can't afford a complete make-over, get your friends to help, they will be more than willing to do it for you. If not for the vanity (cos it is! Heheh)but for the symbolic, `New Me, New Life' Look at it like an overhaul. The zest of a new life and a new beginning is a powerful feeling and a wonderful one!

But you must remember. Keep re-inventing yourself, that way, you will become more dynamic and up-to-date.

~ Do make more friends and keep them. A lot of us lose our friends when we get attached and that's a dangerous thing to do. Friends constantly bring a new breath to our lives, new ideas, new experiences to share, new perspectives. It makes our lives more interesting and more importantly, it makes us more interesting so that our future partners will not get bored with us.

~ Do go for a holiday. Give yourself the much needed break. See the world, expand your horizons. You'll find that you have been living in such a shrouded life, same thing day-in day-out and began to realise. Hey, there's so much out there that I could have missed.

~ Do learn new things. Maybe it's time to go for that cooking class or that French class or singing class that you never had a chance to go. That in itself would be rewarding and besides, it can take your mind off some unmentionable peeople.

~ Do prepare yourself. If the next one comes around, you are prepared. Be more academic about it. List down all your faults (be honest) and see how you can prepare yourself or improve yourself. Don't give me the crap about `he has to accept me for what I am'.... that's an excuse for lazy people and usually they end up with those `give-me-free-also-I-don't-want' types.

So people, one thing for sure........Always remember, boyfriends or girlfriends come and go. Sometimes, even husbands and wives come and go. But friends and family are forever........