What Really Drives You?

As I was sitting alone just now... thinking... gosh, another weekend gone...another boring weekend. I asked myself, `Why are you feeling so empty?' Maybe because I didn't get to meet anyone I like ? But, hello, there's more to life than trying week after week to meet your soulmate.

Oh really ? There's more ? Then it dawned on me that I have been so obssessed by it that I have forgotten about the rest of the world and all that has been happening in my life.... That's my problem....I am always too focussed on something and tend to ignore everything else... sometimes it's good, cos the best of ideas and the greatest of discoveries were spawned from such obssessions.

And usually when I can't get what I want, I will do whatever I can to get it. I have allowed this obssession to possess over me. Looking at the bigger picture, a lot of us do that. The priorities in our lives change as we grow older. As kids, play time, school holidays and celebrations are the main driving forces. Then in our teengage years, girlfriends and boyfriends and... for the nerds, A's. Then the celebrities.... Oh those were the days, when celebrities were like Gods.

When we start working, the ladder climb in the competitive corporate world begins. Then, the pursuit of cars, position, money and property. Then romantic encounters. Then marriage. Then another 20 to 30 years' worth of worrying about the kids. Then the health concerns and finally, death brings the ultimate peace of mind.

But I guess I got stucked at the romantic encounter part and never got any farther! Hahahah! Sadly, I can't escape the last 2 parts either. You may ask, What are you trying to say here ???

Okay.. back to my topic (hehehe!) What drives you? Your career ? Your love pursuits? Money? Property? Sex? Some will say.. `Everything!' It may be true to a certain extent but if you look at it carefully, what really really drives you ?

Yes, all of us are pursuing multiple goals all at the same time, but look deeper inside, what really really drives you? For some people, it's money. Everything they do, it all traces back to getting more money. Marry a rich girl, work harder, invest in properties.... the list goes on as long as they get more money.

And for some, it's about their attractiveness. Trust me, it's a powerful driving force, a multi-billion dollar business. Some people work hard to get more money so that they can buy nice shoes and designer clothes, do facials and workout at the gyms, take vitamins, supplements and so on and so forth.

For another group of people, it's about pride. More titles, more power, more money, bigger houses, fancy cars.... doesn't matter if they look shitty, as long as they get to brag about whatever they have.

Now I look at myself, and say, `OMG !!! You are so pathetic!' You don't even have a valid driving force ! You just let your life drift to wherever it takes you! And half the time you are drunk in your own fantasies of romance.... of meeting your soulmate and living happily ever after. That's all you've got to show? After all these years ???

Wow... what a wake-up call ! To wake up and realise that you are such a loser in life..... Desperate to make myself feel better, I rummaged through whatever I have achieved in my life, put them together and alas! It's not a mountain, not even a hill of achievements... just a mere heap of lost causes, strangled by lots of excuses.

I felt confused and vulnerable. The realisation that I have not done justice to myself... all the time, telling myself that, this is as good as it gets.... and even started to believe it. What am I going to do ???

Like a man drowning at sea, my mind scrambled to find something safe to hang on to. But it seemed like there's nothing substantial... all seemed so petty... every single goal I've had for myself sank under the weight of my desperate need for a trophy in my life. Nope, no trophies for me.

Hmmmm... is it too late to start over? Better late than never, I consoled myself. Now, let me see.... what should I choose to drive me? Money? Power? Looks? (Ooops! Too late for that! Ain't gonna happen!) Soulmate? (Again? You have not learnt your lesson? Go jump from the top of the twin towers if you choose that one again! Yes, any of the towers, they are of the same height!)

Maybe I need a bit more time to see what really really could drive me and make me happy. That's it !!! Happiness !!! Happiness should be my driving force! But where do I start ? Hmm... this is going to take a lot more time than I anticipated....

Well, in the mean time, what about you guys ? What really drives you ??? Do tell me.....